Bloom with Grace

Bloom with Grace

Whilst I was waiting in the doctors waiting room, glanced down and saw the display on my Dad's phone; it stated "wherever you bloom, bloom with grace". It was a wall plaque that dad saw in ASDA'S. Flowing florals aside,  I couldn't help but think about the quote and what it really meant.
When we go to University and finally graduate were encouraged to believe that "the world is out oyster" and that we can do great things because of the degree we have achieved.                   

 However, when we start to live in the real world it is a bit of a shock; we apply for jobs that we could have easily have done without the degree, and surprise, surprise we were turned down for various jobs with our degree actually being used as an excuse for not being a successful applicant.                     I don't know about you, my fellow Dyspraxics? But finishing University and beginning a new in the real world was a disappointment and during this period I became deeply depressed.

Do you remember the film "American Beauty" and the scene where a carrier bag is being thrown about by the wind?  Well that analogy summed up how I was feeling about my life at the time.
I started to wonder do any of the lecturers who puffed up our egos' actually have any experience of life in the real world??? 

If I could go back in time I would still go to University as I learnt a great deal and met two of my closest friends who I would not exchange for anything in the world. However, I would have taken what the lecturers were saying with a pinch of salt. Yes, a Degree equips you with various skills and Yes, once you have obtained a degree, you have it for life. No, it does not mean you will be instantly employed and No your life will not be easy because of it! In fact in some respects having a degree can make life a little more difficult.

Going back to the original quote "wherever you bloom, bloom with grace". I felt low and sorry for myself, hating my situation and hating myself. I refused to accept my situation and that disappointment and anger seeped through into other aspects of my life. Family members noticed that I was moody, more reserved and crying on and off, they felt they were walking on eggshells, as my fellow Dyspraxics know we can swing from over emotional to under emotional in split seconds!

After many job interviews and refusals' I finally succeeded in getting a job. I now work for Wrexham council - part time. I love my job as I learn new things all the time and it keeps me busy. If I could go back in time I would have told myself  to accept the situation and do not let it affect my character. Jobs come and go, be kind to yourself and be kind to those around you. Hindsight, what a wonderful thing, problem is hindsight arrives late!

I wish I could tell you my fellow Dyspraxics that I got the job and lived happily ever after but as you know life just isn't that kind.  I am now in a situation whereby I am working less due to increased pain and fatigue. I'm feeling low as I worry my life is going no where. I'm not fighting being ill anymore, it is what it is. I will do all I can to handle  my health but in truth I'm fighting my attitude.   I want to accept what I cannot change, work on the things I can change and whether things are working my way or not I need to have patience and grace not only with myself but my friends and family; this is where grace comes in.

There are things far more precious then work such as time and the memory of who you are.  Millionaires cannot buy time, just as all we will leave behind of any real value is the memory of who we were.  Accepting and making the most of our situations and being kind to one and other, sounds hippy(ish) but actually its sometimes very challenging!