Dyspraxia and me...

Dyspraxia and Me... 

Happy new year my fellow Dyspraxics, (Yes I know, were in February!) Ive been wanting to write for a while but been hit by writers block. Dont get me wrong I want to write but ive been at a loss for words and not known where to start. I figured that perhaps to get me back into the swing of writing and writing more regularly I need to give you some explanation of who I am and what I have been through. I have changed some names in order to protect individuals identities 

Early years 

My mum recalls that when I was toddler I was destructive and unhappy. She use to buy me Barbie dolls with their accessories, however, she had to stop because I kept breaking their necks and pulling their hair out. I dont even know why I did that but based on what my mum has said to me I was a frustrated and unhappy child who struggled to play and socialise with other children my age.  When   I think of junior school  I think of raw red skin chapped under my nose and around my mouth. My sleeves were harsh like moist cardboard against my face. Also, I remember the startling dark eyes of Mrs Davies, just thinking about her send shivers up my spine. I felt it was personal with Mrs Davies, I frustrated her, I angered her and I pushed all the wrong buttons. Little did she realise or (care to realise) however, frustrated she was with my inabilities I was feeling the frustration tenfold.  Looking back now as a 32 year old women I recognise that there were times were by I deserved to be shouted at. I spoke over people, forgot rules, struggled to learn by rote, I moved awkwardly and would frequently misinterpret instructions. As a child I struggled to understand what was being said and I couldn't grasp what was expected of me. And as for learning by rote... pah! I spent hours practising my times tables and I can honestly say I still dont know them. Mrs Davies lived by rote and I cant count how many times she had me stand up in front of the class for me to struggle and stumble via rote. I hates school and believed that school hated me i.e. the teachers,and the system itself. I struggled in all subjects and had no favourites and what I hated most were activities that highlighted my awkwardness such as P.E., science experiments  and preparing for the Christmas play. I couldn't move like everyone else and these practical activities all highlighted that I was the odd one out. I was different. 

As a teenager 

My spelling and handwriting was shockingly bad and as for maths... well it sullies the good name of crap.  My b's, p's and p's were all mixed up and I was a slow reader. My parents were concerned because I was far behind.  In school I was a 'write off' but my parents knew that something was wrong and did what any good parents would do and sought help. An educational psychologist came to my school and asked me all sorts of weird and wonderful questions. Also, there were challenges I had to complete using pegs, copying sentences, remembering sequences and answering trick questions. After spending the day with the psychologist (we'll call him Mr Guest) his conclusion that he presented to my parents was as follows; she is slow, she will always be slow, she will not pass any exams, go to college or university and she would be lucky if she could make it in a shop job, you will have to accept that. My parents were left angry by Mr Guest's verdict but they decided that he was wrong, that I was not slow and in order to help me they would have to get to the bottom of my problems. At this time I had already been written off by my teachers, my school, Mr Guest and worst of all myself. I walked around believing that I was thick and no good; that I couldn't do anything right and that there was no point in even trying because even that leads to failure. I was a miserable ten year old believing there was no point in trying.. how shocking is that, that someone so young had given up. Perhaps my fellow dyspraxics know what I mean? My parents however did not write me off, thank God. 

                       My parents contacted Bangor University and arranged an appointment with Mr Bibby. We travelled upto Penwyn Mawr and visited his home. He asked me lots of questions and gave me tests to do;  spellings, memory, maths, speed, co-ordination and more pegs in holes.  It was an intense day but worth it. At the end of the day he asked my parents into the room and said "have you ever heard of Dyspraxia?" From that day forward my life started to improve. I went swimming, had sessions on a trampoline, had speech and language therapy, occupational therapy, easy grip cutlery and easy grip pens. Mrs Harry the special needs teach stepped in and made a big difference. I remember a sign she had the wall which said 2 teach is 2 touch a life = 4ever, it was most fitting. When I started secondary school I had 25% extra time in exams and more one to one support with my lessons. My parents are the only ones who never wrote me off... ever ( if your a parent of a Dyspraxic child do not give up on them, because if support them you can build them up) and as time went by I started to see the pattern change. Less frustration, more concentration and far more determination then I ever thought possible . I was actually learning and developing effective study skills! Guess what  my fellow Dyspraxics' ? I passed exams in secondary school then I went to college and passed my A-levels. Then I went to university and received a 2.1. degree in Early Childhood studies and now I am working part time as a creche worker. Everything Mr Guest said I could not do, I have done! 

Present day 

I am now 32 and I still struggle with Dyspraxia and the frustrations that come along with it. I struggle with budgeting because even now basic maths challenges me, I struggle with my self esteem because despite what I have achieved I end up comparing myself with neurotypical and healthy people. ( I know we all compare, dont we?) Comparisons are destructive and unhelpful. I have fibromyalgia which means I'm in pain all of the time and it affects my mobility, my energy levels and mu immune system. Its not right for me to compare myself with a 'normal' 32 year old who has good health. How can we compare our minds and its workings with the minds of neurotypical people? I struggle daily but what I hold onto is the fact that despite being written off, I have achieved and I hope that I will continue to achieve. 

 Points to ponder

                           I have noticed that there is a common misconception with regards Dyspraxia that once a child hits adulthood the Dyspraxia magically disappears! This notion is also a myth, an untruth. In some ways Dyspraxia can become more tricky to manage as an adult. When it comes to life my fellow Dyspraxics the struggles are ongoing and so our efforts have to be continuous in order for us to anywhere and achieve. With the right support, a hell of a lot of tenacity on your part and someone who not only believes in you but helps you to believe in you; you are capable of great things beyond any limitations. Find out your preferred learning styles, play to your strengths, acknowledge areas for improvement but dont let them define you. Last but not least never let anyone's dismissal of you become your story as you are capable of great things.