Going Head on

  

Going head on...

Hello my fellow Dyspraxics',

How are you all ?                                                                               

Can you believe were 9 months into 2016? ( me neither) Is it me or does time accelerate as we age?
My original intention was to write Ch-Ch- Changes Part 2! However, i am more inclined to talk to you about something else, saying that there are links between Ch-Ch Changes Part 2 and what i am about to discuss.

As some of you may know, i have been struggling with depression and anxiety for a long time and until recently, i was receiving no support. As many of you with Dyspraxia, depression and anxiety would understand; socialising was the last thing on my mind, in fact i have been spectacularly successful in avoiding interaction, only interacting with the kids in work and being as vague as possible with my work colleagues ( as i don't want to talk) and let's face it people are stumped for words when they ask you what is wrong and you tell them.

Do you find that (my fellow Dyspraxics); that there is an awkwardness and unease when you tell people why you are  really feeling low? I find  that they don't know what to say in response and            i am quiet because i sense i am being judged... it would have been simpler to discuss something superficial like the Bafta's or what skirt Beyonce is wearing, or perhaps discuss the Taylor Swift's latest boyfriend?? Problem being i really don't care about that crap. Id rather discuss Dyspraxia, disabilities and Human rights and dare i say it?  God!

So as you can appreciate my fellow Dyspraxics, when i detect that someone doesn't actually really want to know how i am, i go into superficial mode, discussing safe topics such as the weather and what i watched on TV last night. After all it's better to go into superficial mode than to make people feel uncomfortable which in turn will make you feel uncomfortable  as you are so very aware of the following; 1. people only want to hear  that everything is "sunshine and lolly pop's" Even if life is throwing boulders in your direction. 2.people do not really understand and or care to understand what you are going through and finally, the more you open up to people the more subjected you are to their judgement; not all the time but OFTEN people's judgements are incorrect. If we talk too much we are dismissed as  being overemotional Dyspraxics but if we do not communicate with our  friends and loved ones, we are being judged as being an ICE Queen. So either way, one choice or the other we cant win!

Anyway, I'm getting off the Tangent stop! Friday i joined a group called Kim ( kindness in mind).  Kim helps vulnerable women who are suffering from anxiety, depression and women who are abused
 are also given support via the counselling.  The meetings are being held at a church in wrexham.         I was feeling sick and was feeling very tempted  to avoid going  altogether,it would have been easy enough to have a butchers round the shops.  There was a little voice telling me "NO i have to do this  otherwise the nervousness is going to take over and stop me building some sort of life for myself, this needs to be accomplished" .                

What's that you say? " easy to say, far too difficult to attempt!  Well, i took deep breathes and when i say deep breaths'  i  mean breathing from the stomach and then i slowly took one step at a time whilst praying in my head. As i arrived upstairs i took an even deeper breath and realised this is not a bad thing, i am not someone with anger issues or someone that needs locking away in an asylum, i am  feeling depressed and here i am getting help for it. As i entered the room i was greeted with a big hug which made me feel much better automatically. The women in the group all suffer with anxiety and depression and they are all being proactive in helping themselves.  So actually fear aside, this group is going to be good not just for me but for the multitude of us. I could not believe how varied in ages and professions the group is but despite our  differences, we are all united.

One lady bought me a brew, another lady was helping me to plan my art project. As we have to create something that's precious to us and display it in an exhibition. Will produce photos soon, (wonder if my fellow dyspraxics can guess what i have chosen?)

To surmise; sometimes we have to disregard what were feeling as feelings can often cloud our judgements  and when we know were about to face a stressful and or new situation we need to take steps to help us face it whether it be  Prayer, listening to your ipod, taking deep breathes, imagining you are walking in your favourite place or a combination of all of the above. Perhaps you can think of other coping mechanisms ?  Also, before you walk into the situation remind yourself why you are there in the first place. Prepare and face the challenges head on!  I have wrote up a list of challenges,   I wish to face and with more practise, i hope that the above strategies will enable me to push myself further,.