Fr- Fr- Frustration

                                         Rantings of a Dyspraxic... 

It's funny as a child I remember repeatedly saying 'I cant wait to grow up' and  almost every time   I said that, an adult would respond by saying "don't wish to be an adult. I wanna be a kid again". Being that I was a "know it all kid" I  totally disregarded that advice and spent the rest of that period longing to grow up. Recently I turned 30 and being the deep thinker that I am, I have been reflecting on things. Realising that actually I don't think I have ever really, truly been content. When I was in secondary school I longed for Yale, when I was in Yale I longed for a job or University, and then when I was in University I was desperate for a job. What a waste of life wishing time away! Mindfulness demands being at one with and paying attention to the moment at hand rather then obsessively planning and worrying about the future. Easy to say and hard to do.  I'm only just getting to grips with mindfulness! Once I grasp it better I will write about it.

 Do any of my fellow Dyspraxics struggle with wishing time away and obsessively worrying?  

What are your coping strategies?  I would be interested to hear what you have to say.

                              Comparisons and their critical impact... 

I am opening up to you now in writing far better then I ever could in the flesh. Perhaps some of you communicate better in writing rather then by word of mouth?  As you know Dyspraxia despite how it frustrates those around us frustrates us at least 100% more. How crushing is it when you have given your all to a task and you are pleased as you have pushed yourself. However, the skills you felt you had refined are actually substandard and those observing have no idea how hard you tried to get it right in the first place ! Wishing time away is destructive, but another habit that is equally destructive is that of comparisons. I am trying not to, but finding it very difficult. I keep saying to myself I'm 28, 29, 30 and by now I should be like this and have A.B.C and D.  However, my life hasn't exactly gone according to plan. Health has let me down big time and so have people. But is comparing my path to those of others beneficial to me ?   No and you want to know why, simply put I am me, not anyone else.  All men, women and children have a unique path that they walk on and just because life doesn't always work out the way we want it, doesn't mean we should just give up, feel sorry for ourselves and become obsolete! I'm ill, not useless. Just as I am Dyspraxic, not thick. Dyspraxia does have it's frustrations that is for sure, but it also has it joys', don't you think its time to exploit them?

In work I was nicknamed "big chief falls over flat floor!" It's good to laugh.

According to  popular consensus  worth is inextricably linked with action ...

The word inextricable is difficult to articulate but if you can imagine flour, sugar and butter kneaded together, once mixed together the contents can never be separated. There appears to be a popular urban legend that the media, the government (especially our current one) and society actively promote and that is the belief that  a person is only of worth if they are working full-time, pay taxes and look the part. A few points need to be considered here, first I agree with the late Martin Luther king who once said "Every child is somebody because they are a child of God."  Next, point to consider anyone can loose a job, put on weight and become surplus to requirements at any time, which begs the question why look down on anyone, because at any given moment life can completely turn around. Surely who we are as people should count far more then what we do?   

    As a Dyspraxic adult who has long held the view that we do what we are it has been a shock to the system to realise that negative, incorrect and abhorrent belief is not only wrong but destructive to our self esteem. I have come across people who fit the bill who appear to have it all but the truth is they often lack compassion and regard for anyone else except themselves. The most sincere and giving people I have come across are not working full time, and are in fact misfits.  These  misfits give far more of themselves to those around them and even society as whole. We are worthy. The problem is for we Dyspraxics, ( myself included) we have this irritating sense of awkwardness because we aren't the same as the next person. This awkwardness reminds us of all we struggle to do and because we listen to it  and recall every task that's challenging, our brains cannot process any solutions because we are overwhelmed with negativity. I am challenging myself this year to stop wishing time away, to stop comparing myself with others and  to try and remember that who we are far outweighs what we do. My fellow Dyspraxics, perhaps you can relate to some of what I have said ? Maybe this year we can all try to remember our worth and that regardless of what life throws at us, we can be something good not only for our sakes but for the sake of others.